By Erickka Sy Savané
As the managing editor of CurlyNikki I read a lot of comments, especially on the Facebook page where folks nowadays seem more comfortable, or maybe it's just more convenient, to sound off. This particular comment and question from a reader was tough to read, and I think anyone would agree, whether a parent or not: My daughter has 4c hair and the shrinkage is real! She gets teased at head start by her peers. They call her bald head and ugly because her hair isn’t long and silky. I try my best to instill in her love for her natural self. She doesn’t feel pretty unless she has crochets in. I was teased a lot in school, and it still has an affect on my self esteem. I’m afraid she’s going to end up the same way. How do we teach our kids to love themselves when we have other kids out here telling them they’re not good enough?
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As a mom with two daughters ages 8 and 6 years old, who both have short, 4c hair, I can relate to this mom's question. It's not easy, because in an ideal world other moms/parents would be teaching their kids that black is beautiful no matter the skin tone or the texture and length of hair. But that would mean that moms/parents would have to believe it to teach it and that ain't always the case. And frankly, it's the subtle things that kids pick up on like, do mom and dad call people ugly? Bald-headed? Black? Do they only compliment hair styles that have length? Do they stay in hair extensions?
Back to the mom who wants to instill self-love in a little girl in a world that ain't too kind. By no means am I an authority, but I do have some experience with this.
Here's what I do:
Jade |
2. Affirm the beauty of their hair. When I'm combing, washing or conditioning their hair I tell them, "Oh your hair is so strong, soft and beautiful." My youngest has heard it so much she says, "I know."
Princess Tiana |
One of my daughter's self-portraits |
My daughter Makho left, a friend's daughter Nile in the middle, and my daughter Ami right. |
5) If you have fake hair, lay off of it too. Yea, I know. Why Sway? Well, because kids learn more from what they see, not what we tell them. If you're telling your daughter how beautiful her short hair is while you're still rocking long, faux hair she's going to look at you like you're running game on her. So both showing up in the world authentically can be an exercise in self-love. And again, no one is saying you can never switch it up and wear fake hair sometimes, this isn't the military, but while you're trying to build your daughter up, stick with her. It would be the same if you wanted her to eat healthy and lose weight. You wouldn't walk in the house chomping on an ice cream cone while telling her that sugar is bad.
6) Explain to them that there are a lot of people out there who are lost. It might seem too heady for a kid, but it's not. Especially when that kid is being teased for being black. When a little girl told my daughter that her hair was ugly, and that same little girl had kinky hair too, I had to explain that she didn't know any better. That unfortunately there are some people, black, white, and in-between, young and old, that haven't been taught that black is beautiful. So it's not you, it's them.
Okay, that's all I got...I'd love to hear what advice you have for this mom because CurlyNikki is the longest and strongest natural hair community there is and we know that it takes a village to raise these kids. Sooooooooooooo......
How do we teach kids to love themselves when the world is telling them something different?
Erickka Sy Savané is a wife, mom, and managing editor of CurlyNikki.com. Based in Jersey, City, NJ, her work has appeared in Essence.com,Ebony.com, Madamenoire.com and more. When she’s not writing...wait, she’s always writing! Follow her on Twitter and Instagram or ErickkaSySavane.com
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