Who's To Blame? Is It Possible To Have A Physical Relationship Without Someone Catching Feelings?

By Vince Lake

She said I love you...and I was an asshole. An asshole like that episode of ‘Friends' with Ross when he said I love you to Emily, and she replied, “Thank you.” No, more like an asshole by telling her, “You don't love me.” I tried to dictate her feelings for me when the funny thing is, I hate it myself when someone tries to dictate my feelings. What was I supposed to do? Tell her I love you too? That wasn't happening. I can't reciprocate what I don't feel. I never lie about my feelings, so why should I start now? Embrassas her, I did...but am I an asshole?

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At what point are you going to claim responsibility for your actions?
Most men have been in this position before knowing it would come to this point. When getting involved with a woman, a man must be upfront with her on what his intentions are. That way she can make the choice on whether or not she wants to proceed with what he has in mind. Due to whatever work/career position she might be in, some women don't mind having a physical relationship. Other than being gay, no man in history has turned that option down. Let’s be honest though, in my opinion; women aren't built for just a physical relationship. They're not wired like that. (Sidebar- Hate to tell you but, Spike Lee’s “She's Gotta Have It” is fiction).

So what does a physical relationship consist of? Sex...lust...the fulfillment of pleasure when requested by either party with no strings attached. That pretty much sums it up. It’s what I like to call a “Service Plan.” A “Service Plan” is like your cell phone bill. You pay (your time/attention) for the amount of service you feel that's best for you. For me, at the time, the unlimited nights and weekend plan worked perfectly. But my day time minutes were limited. And she was cool with this. We both were busy. The issue with the unlimited nights and weekend plan is someone on either party expects to spend more time than agreed too.

Sex is simple, right? Wrong! What makes it complex is when feelings gets involved. Who’s to blame for this? You are!

Yes you! You think throwing it back on him, dancing, busting it open..licking, sucking (and for some swallowing) isn’t grounds for making him fall in love? Yes, Eve did pick the apple, but she didn't eat it alone. Men are just as guilty. Deep stroking, kissing, licking, sucking, eating, making squirt, lifting (a chosen few perform such an act) pulling hair and changing position as if you're a yoga instructor. Oh I forgot, plus bathing her and cooking for her afterwards too! If his service plan includes all this, not only would a woman proclaim her love for him, sh*t! She done moved in with him and he doesn't even know it.

It's easy to say what we will and won’t do at the beginning of an affair, but trust; it never remains the same from when it's first initiated. If it's a physical thing, know your limits. Meaning, he or she shouldn't be treating either party as if they’re more than what they are. Granted, if you he/she wants more than what's presented, communicate that and move on from there. They both start with the same letter and are four letter words, but love and lust have two different meanings. As young adults some of us don't know how to differentiate the two until we’re older. I believe experience and maturity will teach you what defines these two words.

So who's really the asshole then? The naive person trying to switch up the “Service Plan” or the one who's sticking to it? Just a little advice ladies and gents, either you stick to your “Service Plan” or upgrade it. Otherwise...your Uber is waiting.

Does someone always catch feelings in physical relationships?

Renaissance man from The Bronx, NY, Vincent "VJ" Lake creative career started in fashion, and expand through fitness and the military. Vincent is also an entrepreneur with his own active-wear lifestyle apparel brand; "PURESPORT ATHLETIC aka PSA". Currently, he is finishing up his first non-fiction book of short stories titled,"I've Had My Share."  The book is scheduled for release in early 2018.

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