Insecure, Open Marriage, And The Willing Side Chick?

Insecure's Molly & Dro

By Mwabi Kaira 

Fans of HBO’s 'Insecure' have been introduced to Molly’s childhood friend Dro and his wife Candace this season.  Molly runs into the couple picking up cupcakes and then into Dro at spot called Kiss and Grind.  They take to the dance floor and playfully battle until things go slightly left when some grinding is involved.  Our girl Molly recognizes the danger signs and pumps the brakes because this is disrespectful and inappropriate to Candace, but Dro informs her that Candace would not mind because they are in an open marriage.  This information shakes Molly because in her mind Candace and Dro come in 3rd behind her Parents and Joseph and Mary as far as marriage goes.

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As shook as Molly is, she is intrigued by it.  How does such a “happy couple” see other people?  She sticks to her convictions even as Dro makes it known that he wants more.  Molly’s world crumbles the night she discovers her parents’ marriage isn’t the perfect fairy tale she deemed it to be her entire life. To add insult to injury her Aunt lets the detail slip out at their 35th anniversary vowel renewal ceremony.  In true a true made for TV moment, Dro is Molly’s knight in shining armor and talks her off the ledge while driving her home.  Our girl Molly is hella vulnerable and takes Dro by the hand and leads him to her bed.

When I watched the scene of Dro talking to Molly about his open marriage, I had one thought; this is how an educated, six-figure-earning, has-it-all-together-on-paper woman can become a willing participant in another’s marriage.  My second thought was you cannot be in an open marriage with people you know, it’s too messy.

Open marriages do exist. Back in 1972, Nena and George O’Neill published “Open Marriage: A New Life Style for Couples,” where they focused on emotional openness.  They didn’t recommend outside sex but said it shouldn’t be avoided either.  Tammy Nelson, a sex and couples therapist in her book “New Monogamy” gives this definition; “Within the new notion of monogamy, each partner assumes that the other is, and will remain, the main attachment, but that outside attachments of one kind or another are allowed — as long as they don’t threaten the primary connection.”

Divorce is real and we all know someone who is divorced.  Infidelity and lack of communication top the list of reasons for divorce.  With an open marriage, the couple takes the proactive approach and decide and agree to give permission should a physical urge arise for either one of them to go forward with it and still come home to a happy marriage.  They see it as just that; a physical urge. It sounds crazy but it is a practical approach and it works.  We can cite morals and quote bible verses all day long but how many people in marriages sneak and lie to their partner about their infidelity and sit right up in the front pew come Sunday morning?  Ask anyone who has been cheated on and they will tell you that the physical act of the affair isn’t what hurt them, it was the deceit and secrecy behind it.  Open marriages aren’t for everyone but kudos to those who understand what they can do to safeguard a marriage and in turn make it stronger and happier.

Insecure has us talking about open marriages in the African-American community.  The show has brought hot button topics to the forefront and it has been great to hear all the views at the water cooler, on twitter threads and on memes.  Our girl Molly ain’t about that life. We could have told her that.  Dro makes it clear that his wife Candace takes precedence over everything even a candlelit rub down in a bathtub.  Dro giving his wife undivided attention at a dinner party finally wakes Molly back up.  Molly is a boss and we could have told her 3 episodes ago that she can’t play second fiddle to no one.

Would you or have you tried and open marriage. Do they work??? 
 

Mwabi Kaira is an African girl navigating her way in an American world.  She is of Zambian and Malawian heritage and moved to the USA in 1993.  Writing has been her passion since she could put a sentence together on the page. Mothering her sons is her pride and joy.  She has been an avid runner since 2013 and has run 10 half marathons and a full marathon.  Keep up with her at http://ift.tt/2vLOcKn

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