source GETTY IMAGES
by Shelli R Warren via xonecole.com
A wise person once said, "Adulthood is about surviving childhood."
If you stop and really let that sink in, it will make you want to heal from any mistakes your parents made; it'll also make you want to be super-careful in the decisions you make with your own kids, for the sake of their own (future) adulthood.
As for me, I don't have children, so I'm working on Column A. Although I grew up in a house where apologies were in abundance, I also heard it a ton because mistakes (i.e. poor choices) were made over and over (and over and over and over) again. So much to the point that I didn't realize that if someone says, "I'm sorry", (please catch this) there should be a change in their behavior that follows.
Because I'm just now really getting this, it's taken me years—decades actually—to learn how to truly forgive someone (please do that; your health and sanity depend on it), and to know what I should require (yes require) of someone who apologizes. Because, as I often tell couples in my marriage life coaching sessions, "If you want to free yourself and be in a good spiritual space, forgive. But in order for a relationship to heal, one person needs to forgive while the other needs to repent."
And if someone is truly remorseful, they are going to do the following five things:
You might've read this point and thought, "duh" but not so fast. I don't know about you, but there have been all sorts of situations—both personally as well as professionally—when someone has harmed or offended me and I had to coax an apology out of them.
I don't mean I had to explain why I was hurt (sometimes that is required). I mean that once we were both on the same page about the "offense", there were explanations and justifications but no "I'm sorry"—or sounded something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way but…" (which comes off as them trying to become the victim in the situation).
When someone gets that what they did was either wrong or that it hurt you (because those two things are not always one and the same), if they value you and the relationship, they'll acknowledge it without you having to "force" them to. Their humility will supersede their pride. "I'm sorry" will flow out of them.
So will my next point.
A wise person once said, "Adulthood is about surviving childhood."
If you stop and really let that sink in, it will make you want to heal from any mistakes your parents made; it'll also make you want to be super-careful in the decisions you make with your own kids, for the sake of their own (future) adulthood.
As for me, I don't have children, so I'm working on Column A. Although I grew up in a house where apologies were in abundance, I also heard it a ton because mistakes (i.e. poor choices) were made over and over (and over and over and over) again. So much to the point that I didn't realize that if someone says, "I'm sorry", (please catch this) there should be a change in their behavior that follows.
Because I'm just now really getting this, it's taken me years—decades actually—to learn how to truly forgive someone (please do that; your health and sanity depend on it), and to know what I should require (yes require) of someone who apologizes. Because, as I often tell couples in my marriage life coaching sessions, "If you want to free yourself and be in a good spiritual space, forgive. But in order for a relationship to heal, one person needs to forgive while the other needs to repent."
And if someone is truly remorseful, they are going to do the following five things:
This is what I call a "Shellie-ism" but personally, I don't trust people who claim that they don't live with regrets. I actually wonder if the individuals who boldly say that know what the word literally means—"to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.)".
To be remorseful is to have "deep and painful regret for wrongdoing", and if you are bragging about living without it, I can't help but wonder how healthy your relationships are.
All of us are human, all of us have done something that has "wronged" another individual. Hopefully, we feel sorrow or painful regret about that fact. That said, when someone is truly sorry for something they did to you, not only are you going to get an "I'm sorry" (or "I apologize") but it's going to follow with their reasons behind what they are sorry for.
For instance, if you told one of your girls something super-private and she tells someone else, not only is she going to apologize but she's going to follow up with something along the lines of "…for betraying your trust".
Why? It's simple really. An apology doesn't mean much unless the person who's doing it is clear on what they are sorry for in the first place. That's the only way they can be clear on what they did and how to avoid doing it again.
And if someone is truly remorseful, they are going to do the following five things:
They Will Offer An Apology
You might've read this point and thought, "duh" but not so fast. I don't know about you, but there have been all sorts of situations—both personally as well as professionally—when someone has harmed or offended me and I had to coax an apology out of them.
I don't mean I had to explain why I was hurt (sometimes that is required). I mean that once we were both on the same page about the "offense", there were explanations and justifications but no "I'm sorry"—or sounded something like, "I'm sorry you feel that way but…" (which comes off as them trying to become the victim in the situation).
When someone gets that what they did was either wrong or that it hurt you (because those two things are not always one and the same), if they value you and the relationship, they'll acknowledge it without you having to "force" them to. Their humility will supersede their pride. "I'm sorry" will flow out of them.
So will my next point.
A wise person once said, "Adulthood is about surviving childhood."
If you stop and really let that sink in, it will make you want to heal from any mistakes your parents made; it'll also make you want to be super-careful in the decisions you make with your own kids, for the sake of their own (future) adulthood.
As for me, I don't have children, so I'm working on Column A. Although I grew up in a house where apologies were in abundance, I also heard it a ton because mistakes (i.e. poor choices) were made over and over (and over and over and over) again. So much to the point that I didn't realize that if someone says, "I'm sorry", (please catch this) there should be a change in their behavior that follows.
Because I'm just now really getting this, it's taken me years—decades actually—to learn how to truly forgive someone (please do that; your health and sanity depend on it), and to know what I should require (yes require) of someone who apologizes. Because, as I often tell couples in my marriage life coaching sessions, "If you want to free yourself and be in a good spiritual space, forgive. But in order for a relationship to heal, one person needs to forgive while the other needs to repent."
And if someone is truly remorseful, they are going to do the following five things:
They Will Express What They Regret Doing
To be remorseful is to have "deep and painful regret for wrongdoing", and if you are bragging about living without it, I can't help but wonder how healthy your relationships are.
All of us are human, all of us have done something that has "wronged" another individual. Hopefully, we feel sorrow or painful regret about that fact. That said, when someone is truly sorry for something they did to you, not only are you going to get an "I'm sorry" (or "I apologize") but it's going to follow with their reasons behind what they are sorry for.
For instance, if you told one of your girls something super-private and she tells someone else, not only is she going to apologize but she's going to follow up with something along the lines of "…for betraying your trust".
Why? It's simple really. An apology doesn't mean much unless the person who's doing it is clear on what they are sorry for in the first place. That's the only way they can be clear on what they did and how to avoid doing it again.
from Natural Hair Care | Curly Nikki https://ift.tt/2Jj1Yb0
No comments:
Post a Comment