5 Suggestions for Becoming Less Civilized (and a Giveaway)

Civilization has given us great gifts. Infectious diseases rarely kill us anymore. We have hot running water that’s safe to drink (usually). We can go down to the market and buy a thousand different foods. Things are, for the most part, safe and comfortable. Of course, many of the benefits of civilization have been solutions to problems it introduced. That we rarely die from infectious disease is significant because the high population densities of early civilizations created such high infectious disease burdens; nomadic hunter gatherers didn’t have that issue. But there are benefits.

Civilization has also harmed us. There’s the usual laundry list of maladies, like industrialized diets, sedentary lifestyles, dysfunctional circadian rhythms, skyrocketing rates of obesity, diabetes, and cancer that we discuss on here all the time.

But there’s also our wildness. For a civil society to function, it must tamp down excessive wildness among its citizenry. Someone’s got to maintain the roads, fix the plumbing, drive the buses, and get up and go to work on time. Yet, the call of the wild persists….

Humans have always represented the intersection of wildness and order. We have animal urges and instincts, and we have reason and logic. We’re subject to the natural world, and we mold and shape it. We’re civil, but with an edge. It’s that precarious balance between chaos and order that helps us do incredible things. The crazy vision of stepping foot on the moon and the discipline necessary to get us there safely. When we become “too civilized,” we lose that edge. On the balance, I’ll take the civilization, but we can do it better by reintroducing wildness into our personal lives.

“Wild” isn’t “crazy” or “savage” or “violent.” It can include ebullience, but it’s mostly about loosening the shackles of what civilization expects you to be and do.

Besides the obvious and dependable ways to become less civilized, like taking wilderness skill classes, flouting conventional dietary wisdom, camping, and hiking, what are some other suggestions?

Adjust Your “Create:Consume” Ratio

To consume is to be passive, comfortable, civilized. Civilization needs consumption. It’s necessary. But civilization and the humans who populate it also need creation, and that’s a bit more wild. It’s pushing the boundary, riding the edge. This isn’t an either-or situation. Everyone consumes. Everyone should create, too. How’s your ratio?

You don’t have to start a blog or write books. You don’t have to become an oil painter or sculptor. Although those are all great options for cultivating wildness via tweaking the create:consume ratio, they’re not the only way.

Creation can be almost anything as long as it introduces something new to the world. It can be minor or monumental. If you’re reading a blog and a thought comes to you, write a comment. If you’re scrolling through a Twitter conversation and have something to contribute, do so. Participate. You could be dungeon master for a Dungeons and Dragons group—that’s creating a narrative for others to inhabit. You could convince your buddies to start training with you—that’s creating good, healthy habits in people who didn’t have them. Direct your energy outward, rather than be a passive recipient of exogenous energy.

Learn a Martial Art

There’s a real human predilection toward violence that, if ignored or repressed, often explodes into tragedy. Martial arts can be a good outlet for that. Now, I don’t know this first-hand. As a kid, I got into my fair share of mostly-friendly scrapes and rough and tumble play, and it was great. Every kid should do that (few do these days). But I don’t have any real experience with martial arts. Not learning one is actually one of my major regrets in life. In recent months, however, I have done some very easy grappling drills with an acquaintance who’s been training for most of his life. It’s been awesome. Nothing too serious or intense. But I get a real sense of how I’d respond in a violent situation.

Don’t do what I did. Learn a martial art. There’s an element of wildness—you’re learning how to do and avoid violence, how to face another human being in simulated mortal conditions—tempered with control and the boundaries of civilization—no one’s going to die or get seriously hurt. From my limited experience, I’d say try a grappling art like Brazilian jiu-jitsu or wrestling.

Indulge Your Fandom

Humans have a sense of tribalism encoded in us, a desire for allegiance toward and acceptance from a group. For some, that manifests as ethnic or religious hatred. There are obvious problems with those manifestations. Could there be a positive outlet for our tribalism? Research shows that diehard sports fans see physiological benefits when their teams compete, such as boosts to testosterone and increased empathy. Sports fans even have a higher-than-average sense of meaning in their lives, something many modern humans lack.

I’m guessing this may apply to more “nerdy” allegiances, like Star Wars vs Star Trek, Marvel vs DC, or Playstation vs XBox, though I have to draw the line at adult My Little Pony fans. Sorry.

It goes without saying that you shouldn’t let these tribal allegiances consume your life. Don’t spend every waking moment following sports, politics, or pop culture. That’d be like engaging in perpetual warfare with a rival tribe—no good.

In fact, I think some of these “open-ended” tribal conflicts are the most dangerous. In sports, as on the battlefield, there’s a definitive, objective conclusion to the conflict: Your team either wins or loses. Everyone accepts the outcome, because the outcome is undeniable. In politics or pop culture, the battle never ends. It drags on, and drags you down with it.

Get Your House In Order

When chaos envelopes us at home—dirty dishes in the kitchen, clothes strewn around, papers everywhere, bills unpaid, responsibilities mounting—we devote most of our creative energy to blocking it out, to ignoring it, leaving us little energy left over to embody our true, wilder selves. Don’t do this.

Instead, deal with the issues directly. Clean the place up. Address all the energy suckers. You’ll probably find that most of them resolve rather quickly, and you have far more time and energy left over to create, learn, play, and indulge the call of the wild.

And, yes, I think there’s an argument to made for minimalism here.

Interact With the Environment In Atypical Ways

Civilization has created neat, linear environments with walkways and paths and boundaries. Normally, we stay between the lines, stay off the grass, and generally follow the rules. Try not doing that.

• Climb trees, randomly. Do so in full view of others; it may inspire them to do something similar.
• Walk or bear crawl along the backs of park benches. Be cautious about it.
• Take shortcuts. Vault over fences.
• Sprint up stairs.
• Do pullups at crosswalk light posts, overhead branches, ledges, anything that you can grip and hang from.

Be a weirdo, not a jerk.  You shouldn’t walk through wilderness protection zones or trample someone’s garden. Don’t trespass.

I’m curious how you foster de-civilization in your life? Any comments, reactions, responses? I’d especially love to hear about martial arts more experienced folks can recommend.

Now For the Giveaway…

As we wrap up this kickoff month of 2018, the question becomes: how do you take your intention to the next level? Today I offered up some ideas for those often neglected but still essential “other” foundations of a healthy and fulfilling Primal life.

And I want to offer one random commenter on today’s post something to help in that regard—a copy of The Primal Connection and a $50 gift certificate to PrimalBlueprint.com to apply to other books (or anything on the site) that might support his/her next steps.

Just tell me some thought inspired by today’s post—or something you’d like to see me cover about these “extra” essentials of Primal living: play, sun, sleep, nature, barefooting, etc.

Be sure to comment on today’s post by midnight tonight (1/31/18 PST) to be eligible.

Take care, everyone. Be well!

Want to make fat loss easier? Try the Definitive Guide for Troubleshooting Weight Loss for free here.

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Primal Cooking Point: Italian Dressing, Anyone?

Everyone here knows how much I love my Big Ass Salads. So, the day we come out with a new dressing is a very good day in my mind. And this one might just be my new favorite…. I’m happy to introduce the new PRIMAL KITCHEN® Italian, and I think you’re going to love it.

It’s a light, perfectly seasoned dressing, dip and marinade for all of your Mediterranean inspired dishes that’s filled with organic ingredients including thyme, oregano, red wine vinegar, lemon juice and sea salt. High in healthy monounsaturated fats, it’s Keto, Whole30 and Paleo/Primal Approved as well as Non-GMO Project Verified.

And let me share one of the ways I’m enjoying our new Italian: Antipasto Skewers. There’s no exact science to follow here—just your own Antipasto favorites like nitrate-free shaved meats, mozzarella, basil leaves, and artichoke folded together and dipped (or doused, if you’re me) in PRIMAL KITCHEN Italian Dressing.

I know what I’m having for lunch. Thanks for reading this morning, everyone. I’ve got a post—and a giveaway—coming up, so be sure to stop back.

 

 

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Feeling Down? Read This.

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If you’re triggered, no matter the reason, just watch. Don’t try to feel good or ignore the negative emotion or change your thoughts or behavior...just watch. Watch that body like it doesn’t belong to you— like it is someone else, entirely— like you’re watching a movie... a movie that you just started in the middle, with no context whatsoever about the plot or characters. You have absolutely no idea what’s currently happening on screen, nor do you know what happened previously, or care about what may happen later!

You don’t understand anything you see.  #ACIM

That’s what folks mean by ‘detachment.’ You don’t have to suppress angry emotions or try to smile when you’re sad. You just have to transcend the storyline for a second, watch and remember who you really are beyond the present fuckery— you have to detach or disentangle your real self from the limited self. A few seconds is plenty!

This simple shift in perspective (going from thinking to watching), not only brings up the feels of inner peace and joy, it allows the movie to shift in your favor. That’s the dope side effect. See the movie for what it is. Stay watching. You got this. #BeHerNow

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Why Women No Longer Want The Prayer Ciara Or Any Woman Used To Get A Good Man

By Lauren R.D. Fox

A few Saturdays ago, New York City found itself with a mild temperature and the Sun gleaming upon it. So, I took that as an opportunity to go to my aqua cycling class. While I journeyed there, I scrolled on Instagram to see what people were up to on The Internets.

As I scrolled the million and one posts about drunk brunches and #LazySaturdays, I saw Ciara posted a 58-second clip from a 50-minute sermon Pastor John Gray orated. The main quote from the sermon that ruffled my and many other women’s feathers was: “Too many women want to be married but you’re walking in the spirit of “girlfriend.” On cue, I rolled my eyes as one thought zoomed back and forth in my mind: “What the f---k does that mean?”

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In an interview with journalist Jacque Reid, Pastor Gray explained that the thesis of his sermon was about women gaining validation from themselves and God, not men. “The premise is that you carry yourself with a level of integrity and with a level of strength and with a level of grace that says, ‘I actually don’t need to be found, to be validated,” he explained.

“A woman who is confident in who she is, she’s connected to God, she’s connected to her source so she doesn’t need validation from a man, she’s got it from God.”

And although I understood his explanation, again, I silently asked in my mind: What the f—k does that mean?

I asked that question because his response to Reid, in my opinion, is problematic. However, I understood his sermon’s intention because I was raised in a Christian household. However, what happens to the women who: A) weren’t raised in the Christian Church B) are agnostic, atheists, demisexual, homosexual, trans or C) identify as Christian but choose to dismantle the ideology of what it means to be a wife? Will we never be married because we don’t fit the iconic Proverbs 31 mold?

Growing up, my Guyanese mother (and other female family members) often related my disobedience, lack of enthusiastically waking up early or not cleaning something immediately to not satisfying a future imaginary husband who I could care less about. With their constant suggestions piling up, my future husband seemed like he had relentless needs and would be extremely annoying. I often questioned my mother and aunts about this: if I am performing wifely duties at such a perfect and high rate what will my husband be doing? To me, he sounded lazy, unwilling and non-committal to making any house a home.

My inquisitive reasoning about this imaginary husband grew when I began to attend Missionettes (think Girl Scouts learning evangelical lessons). My teachers would teach me and other girls about what they thought was the right way to carry yourself as a woman and what was appropriate dating behavior. My childhood friend Tiffany attended these classes with me and we would often debate our teachers about these topics to the point of us asking if the boys in the church were receiving the same advice and/or lessons.

Our teachers couldn’t give us an answer.

When I asked millennial women what they thought about the suffocating relationship advice or guidance they’ve received, they told me that it's usually based on fiction, pressure, and lack of boundaries. Author and journalist Megan Braden-Perry told me advice is no longer needed when a woman reaches a certain age because she’ll know that no two men are the same so it’s better to trust your intuition than navigate dating with rigid circumstantial advice.

Married Health professional Crystal Anderson said the best advice she received was from people who simply shared their personal experiences instead of shoving their ideals onto her. Though she has had friends who’ve experienced the opposite, she believes this issue is rooted in lack of boundaries.

Two marketing interns who recently graduated college shared that they were over being told to be “the best version of themselves” on first dates because that usually meant to be extremely polished and aligned with their date's wants and needs.

Truth be told, what is void in the dating/self-help world for women is the lesson of free will, a topic that doesn’t focus on looks, education, religion or sexual orientation but rather on choices.

Free will is about behaving without heavily relying on the beliefs of fate and destiny. Instead of thinking that a Higher Power will manifest circumstances the way you believe they should, you use your own power to get what you want or what you think you deserve. It's not socializing a gender of people to constantly consult with their families, pastors, prayer partner, astrologer, tarot reader, life coach and therapist about how to make an exclusive, committed, healthy and functioning relationship happen.

It’s not about unnerving dating apps or unavailable men who may make women feel like a relationship is a pot of gold to be found after they go through the maze of murky emotional lows. It doesn't mean you're not ready to be in a relationship just because the object of your affection is not coming at you with lightning-bolt speed to make you his person. And it doesn’t mean that you didn’t do enough spiritual work to attain such a blessing or that your vagina doesn’t have the right tightness, taste or smell.

When we became romantically involved, my boyfriend told me he wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone. As much as I felt butterflies for him and loved soaking up the insatiable sex he provided I wasn’t about to play the “Lauren Isn’t Enough” game that I played too many times to admit. I used the opportunity to get to know other men who may have been more aligned with what I wanted. Though, I never received the opportunity to find out if magic could happen with the latter because my boyfriend changed his mind and asked if we can commit to each other and not anyone else. And although our relationship is reminiscent of our favorite Aaliyah song, “Hot Like Fire,” I know my boyfriend (or myself) may change our minds with time; leading us more in love or out of it. But one thing is for certain, those free will choices will probably never have anything to do with how many times I’ve been to church or cooked for him, the moments I hate myself or how many times I find myself curving my back and perching my ass on the dance floor.

Do you use prayer as your main source to finding and maintaining a relationship?

Lauren R.D. Fox is a Guyanese-American pop culture/beauty editor and writer who has an undying love for soca fetes, poulorri, New Orleans and deep conditioners. After graduating from SUNY Geneseo with a dual concentration in American and Black Studies, she became a journalist and social media manager. Lauren has previously written for MadameNoire, Mayvenn Hair, Wetpaint, Enstarz, Her Agenda, Zora Magazine and B.Couleur Magazine. Follow her at @LOLOTHEFOX.

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You'll Love This Easy DIY Ponytail! (No Crochet/No Drawstring)

Clarissa Todd via IG

Leave it to hair vlogger Clarissa Todd of Dear Claire to give us an easy, innovative way to do a classic ponytail with no crochet or drawstring! It's a 5 min vid that'll have you rocking this new look in no time! So pony up, and be sure to follow, like and share DearClaire on youtube for more awesome tutorials!

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Primal Kitchen Efficiency: 13 Tips for Daily Organization and Smooth Cooking

Good cooking is art and science. You’re measuring, you’re tasting, you’re following recipes, you’re following intuition. You’re adding a dash of this, a level teaspoon of that. It’s clinical and sensual at once. For this kind of good cooking to occur, pleasurable cooking, the kitchen needs to disappear. It must get out of the way and become an extension of your body. You shouldn’t have to think about what to use or where to grab it; you just know it. A messy, disjointed lab or workspace is hell.

The ideal kitchen is just that, of course, an ideal. It’s probably not attainable or maintainable. Something will always come up to mar the optimality, like a toddler hanging on your ankle or the dirty dishes from last night or that damn spatula that always blocks the drawer from opening. But we can aim for it and get as close as possible.

These tips aren’t specific to Primal. They’re not specific at all; I won’t tell you which dishes to make. They are general guidelines that will increase the efficiency of any home cook.

First, Remove Clutter

Clutter gets in the way. The more stuff you have in your kitchen, the more likely something is going to end up on your counters when you’re trying to set up your mise en place, slow you down when grabbing that pot you need.

For Cookware, Quality Over Quantity

We’ve all stayed at that vacation rental whose description promises a “fully stocked kitchen” only to have cupboards and drawers stuffed with dozens of scratched teflon pans, aluminum skillets, rusty cast iron, and cheap stainless steel. Technically the description was accurate, but at what cost? You’re banging and clattering around just to get at the good stuff.

You want the cooking session to go smoothly, elegantly, with grace? Keep only high-quality cookware, and less of it, and you’ll glide through the kitchen. Buy fewer items of higher quality.

Stainless steel, not aluminum.

Cast iron and carbon steel, not nonstick.

Use Multi-Use Tools Whenever Possible

Single-use kitchen tools are fun to use when you need one—and that’s it. Otherwise, they collect dust and get in the way. How often do you need a garlic press? Do you really need that avocado slicer? Or that apple peeler—really?

Obviously, if you use the tool all the time, keep it around. If you’re running a crepery out of your kitchen, keep the crepe pan. But if you only bust out the single use contraption once or twice a year, give it up.

An Instant Pot is the perfect example of a complex kitchen tool that replaces many: your slow cooker, rice cooker, yogurt maker, and stove top pressure cooker. A sharp chef’s knife is the perfect example of a simple kitchen tool that replaces many complex single-use tools.

Get Nesting Storage Containers

Glass storage containers are really hit or miss. They’re inert, thus far better than plastic, but too many of them stack rather than nest, creating precarious piles of glassware. They take up too much room in the drawers, they’re liable to fall over and break, and they always end up messy and disorganized.

When you nest, you save space, and your containers are more secure.

I like these nesting glass containers from Rubbermaid.

Throw Out Old Spices

Once exposed to air, spices degrade quickly. Go through your spice drawer/bin/shelf and inspect each spice with a sniff. If it has no discernible aroma, toss it. If there are duplicates, keep the one that’s fresher. There’s nothing more annoying than taking an extra ten minutes to scour your cluttered spice drawer for the last ingredient.

When you’re cooking, or getting ready to cook, keep these tips in mind.

Clean As You Go

If you’ve ever faced the chaos of a post-dinner party kitchen, you know the value of cleaning up as you cook. It takes a little more effort at first, but it makes the cooking experience flow more smoothly, and it reduces chaos and clutter. Few people manage to religiously adhere to this one. That’s okay. You don’t have to clean everything as you go. Cleaning even just a few items as you cook will lighten the load you face at the end and reduce clutter in your workspace. Everything helps.

Have A “Peel Bowl”

When you’re cutting onions, peeling shallots, smashing garlic, or doing any kind of vegetable prep, you end up with a ton of sticky waste material that gets everywhere and mixes in with the veggies you’re keeping. Keep a large bowl next to the work area for direct deposits of vegetable cuttings. Instead of accumulating on the cutting board, they go right into the bowl. If you compost, you could just have a small compost bin nearby to chuck everything directly in.

Keep Your Salt In a Wide-Mouthed Glass

I keep kosher salt in an open wide-mouthed glass about 2.5 inches in diameter. This allows me to grab pinches whenever I need it, and it gives me perfect control over the amount of salt I wish to apply. If I’m cooking something involved, I’ll usually use a separate glass with all the salt I’ll need for that cooking session. I can dip into the salt without washing my hands in between applications, because I’ll just wash the glass at the end.

Have Very Hot Water on Hand

Hot water can very quickly come to a boil. Eminently useful for cooking for obvious reasons.

Hot water can be used to clean dishes. Better to use a little near-boiling water than let your sink run.

You can bring a pot to boil, then cover it. It’ll stay warm for a long time. You can also keep water warm in your Instant Pot using the “warm” setting, which hits about 160°F.

Immediately Soak or Wipe Gelatinous Saucy Dishes

I love a good reduction using bone broth or added gelatin. You reduce until the collagenous viscosity coats the spoon. It’s the secret of many restaurant sauces—high quality bone broth reduced to a syrup.

However, if you leave that pan or those dishes for more than a few minutes without cleaning them, exposure to cooler air quickly hardens the sauce and makes cleaning it extremely difficult. Wipe those dishes clean right away, perhaps with your tongue.

For general kitchen efficiency, keep these tips in mind.

Keep an Overabundance Of Dish Towels

You can never have too many dish towels. They’re less wasteful than going through half a roll of paper towels, they seem to “mop up” spills and sticky fingers better than anything else, and they can double as pot holders. Get the cheapest ones you can find that still absorb liquids; nothing worse than those towels that just push the spill around.

Come Up With Some “Kitchen Rules,” and Stick To Them

One of mine is “keep the counters cleared at the end of the day.” This gives me a clean, fresh start every morning. I may not eat breakfast very often, but I don’t like coming out to a dirty, cluttered counter in the morning.

Another is “clean the coffee maker right away.” This also gives me a better start in the morning. My day goes much more smoothly when I can start out with a clean French press that’s ready to accept coffee and water. Cleaning it right away also means the grounds come out more easily. They have less time to adhere to the walls.

Purge Your Fridge Every Week and Your Pantry Every Month

You shouldn’t be embarrassed for guests to open your fridge. Check the back for old leftovers. Dig through the cheese drawer for mold that’s not supposed to be there. Discard slimy greens. A clean, organized fridge is a pleasure to encounter and will make cooking that much easier.

Same goes for your pantry. Pantry items won’t go bad so easily, but it’s really easy to just keep stacking stuff on top of stuff until you can’t find anything and the pantry door won’t even close.

Just be an adult about the state of your fridge and pantry. You know when it’s getting out of hand. Don’t ignore it.

That’s what I’ve got, folks. It keeps my kitchen running pretty smoothly. What about you? I’d love to hear tips and tricks from my intrepid readers, and so would my readers.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Don’t miss the final New Year giveaway with tomorrow’s feature. Take care.

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Primal Knowledge Point: FODMAP

“Some people continue to suffer uncomfortable digestive problems despite omitting the foods they may be intolerant to. If there are no definite test results pointing at an allergy or intolerance, then you’ll most likely be diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS).

Scientists Peter Gibson and Susan Shepherd at Moash University in Australia researched the reasons behind the vicious cycle of bloating, diarrhea, constipation, and discomfort. They came upon some evidence proving that certain sugars could actually be the cause of many of these ailments: ‘Fermentable Oligo-Di-Monosaccharides and Polyols,’ thus founding the term FODMAP.

Fermentable: these types of sugar have the ability and tendency to ferment in our intestines, resulting in bloating and diarrhea.

Oligosaccharides: fructans (FOS), wheat, rye, onions, garlic, galactans (GOS) (legumes), chickpeas.

Disaccharide: sucrose, maltose, lactose.

Monosaccharide: fructose, glucose, and galactose.

Polyol: sorbitol, mannitol, xylitol, maltitol (sugar substitutes).

It is not possible to completely avoid each and everyone one of these types of sugar, since they are found naturally in the food we eat. It would be wise to avoid eating foods containing large amounts of these sugars for a certain amount of time, simply to see if they could be the reasons behind the problems you may be experiencing.

Research has proven that there is a certain daily limit of FODMAPs that can be tolerated. If you’ve eaten your daily limit in lactose already, then it’s no wonder that when you eat the same berries that you ate the day before with no negative effects, all of a sudden they cause you discomfort. Try picturing your FODMAP limit, applying it throughout the day, distributed evenly in each meal. If you go over your limit, then you are bound to have negative reactions.

The pure food Paleo diet eliminates the consumption of fructose and galctan by eliminating grains. Legumes are also avoided with the occasional exception. You are able to test fruits after a grace period, using the guide to see which fruits are better tolerated than others. It all depends on moderation.”

—From Fruit Belly: A 4-Day Quick Fix To Relieve Bloating Caused by High Carb, High Fruit Diets by Romy Dollé

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Tell It Tues: Natural Born Cheaters? Men & the Stigma That Haunts Good Ones

Jay-Z on CNN with Van Jones

By Ta-ning Connai

If Beyonce can get cheated on, what kind of hope is left for us mere mortals? I mean, her name probably stands for Sexy Singing Goddess of Music and Dance! Yet all that amazing mix of talent, beauty and love didn't stop Jay-Z from committing the devastating act that he openly addressed in this past weekend’s interview with CNN’s Van Jones. I am HIGHLY impressed by the remorse he expressed and his determination to repair the marriage he nearly destroyed. And as much as I'd like to keep having an attitude with him, I have no choice but to finally let it go. Whew, I feel lighter already!

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Jay-Z sits with Van Jones

Are men natural born cheaters? Is the implication true that, "Men will be men, boys will be boys?" The worst defense I ever heard was, "We can't help it, we were born that way." Oh please don't even get me started...Ooops, too late... BORN that way??? So you're telling me that men were, instead of being created to be the Patriarch and head of the family, to honor his wife and be a godly example to his children, were actually created to DESTROY their family with their insatiable sex drive and inability to have control over their animalistic instincts to do whatever they want, so their wives can lose all sense of themselves after all they've sacrificed isn't enough?!!! (Whoa. Ok Ta-ning, take a deep breath). Yeah right, blame it on God, like cheating is part of His magnificent design, so that men bare no accountability for their willful indiscretions. Um no. That's just an excuse for anyone not willing to let God change their heart and renew their minds to His way of engaging in (and maintaining) meaningful, committed relationships.

 It can be done.

I used to know a girl who dated married men for sport. And each time her dreams of "Happily Ever After" never came true (men rarely leave their wives for the side chick), she fully embraced the notion that ALL men are dogs. So one day she goes on a tangent about, you guessed it, all men are dogs. My first evil thought was , "Well, just because you slept with MOST of them doesn't mean you know ALL of them." I know, that's so wrong. So instead, I took the kinder approach and said, "I know it seems like they're all bad, but you just have to meet the ones that don't cheat. " Well, if I knew she was gonna chew me up, spit me out and call me every name including naive, gullible, blind and ridiculous, I would have shut that whole convo down with what I REALLY wanted to say. But I held back because I knew she was bitter from being emotionally battered.

She went on to support her distorted belief with statistics based on all the men she's ever dated, ever been friends with or ever heard about. And even though that pretty much covered the entire planet, I went on to tell her that, although nobody's perfect, there are some men who honor God enough not to intentionally break a woman's heart. It's about finding a man that has accountability and practices discipline; one that doesn't succumb to every impulse he has, especially if it's wrong. The look on her face was one of bewilderment, because I'd rather doubt if she'd ever heard that before. All I hope is that she believed me because I was telling her the absolute truth. All men don't cheat and the ones that do can change too.

So, is the commandment "Thou shall not commit adultery" easier said than done? You bet. In fact, if the attempt to refrain is within one's own strength, it just may be impossible. And with the power of seduction less avoidable these days thanks to technology, the media and butt implants, it can seem downright hopeless to expect your relationship to survive without the stain of infidelity. But here's the good news. God does not command anything He won't help support. He never intended for us to go it alone. His word says that, "...with men it's impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Philippians 4:13). He says that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Mark 10:27).

So whether you've been shattered by your father's betrayal against your mother or the reckless wanders of your first true love...there's hope. God can redeem the time and heal your broken heart. He can replace all that was lost and give you reason to trust again. And for the men doing damage, there's even hope for you too. Monogamy is not a punishment, it's a gift. So take that person created just for you and treat them like the prized possession that they are, let God show you how. And when you do, you'll get treated the same and then some. As they say, what goes around comes around!

 Are men natural born cheaters? Can men who cheat change?

TA-NING is a former model and clothing designer who one day got the "call" to leave the fab world of fashion behind. While in Bible College, she discovered her knack for mixing her quirky style of writing with her gift to teach. TA-NING'S TELL IT TUESDAY is a weekly column (originally launched on Facebook) that uses doses of pop culture to tear down the walls of churchy tradition, change the face of Christianity, and present it's message in a lively way. Ta-ning resides in Santa Monica (by way of BK), is obsessed with dogs, and is an old school Hip-Hop junkie!

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Underboob-Who Wore It Best? Beyonce or Russell Westbrook?

                  Beyonce vs. Russell Westbook

By Solomani

To the left, Ms. Bootylicious-in-chief.
Bee type personality. Fierce.
Velvet curves meet Iron will meet very high heels, she don’t compete no mo.’

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Beyonce GQ Magazine

Now she télé-competes, meaning her halo is so powerful she can get others to do her pushups. Remember how Kanye went after Taylor like he asked her out and she said no? Or when Solange battered a baffled Jay-Z in the elevator, and man-handled him as if she was a boy? Exactly!
So if you feel like your déja-vue is having déjà-vues you are totally right, for you have seen her many many times before. Without anymore delay! I’m gonna say her name!!
BE-YON-CE!!!


And now for the challenger...
The good Lord was in a basketball state of mind when He made him. Almost got drafted by NASA because of his stratospheric vertical leap. He is the $233 million dollar dunking machine, the only player in the history of the NBA to play one against five because he NEVER passes the ball, doesn’t have to. A competitive beast who once challenged his own shadow to a game of one-on-one and won. Alpha of all alphas, all he needs is one ball...Ladies and gentlemen meet the One, the Only, the Russell, the WESTBROOK!!!!!!!!

Now both are at the top of their game on the stage, the court, and the catwalk. And it was just a matter of time before these two titans would go head-to-head in a very risqué game of “Underboob-who wore it best?”

                                         CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE COMMENT SECTION!

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Wigging Out! 8 Reasons to Wig It...

ElleforLexxi

By Kanisha Parks

We always talk about the versatility of natural hair but wigs—now that’s versatility! I mean there is literally a wig in every style, color, texture, and length you can imagine! We even have box braid wigs, ya’ll. Not only that, but wigs can be purchased with synthetic or human hair, and in a variety of types: lace fronts, hand tied, monofilaments, half wigs, custom wigs, etc. There are also beautiful wigs with natural textures by brands like HerGivenHair and KinkyCurlyYaki.

Many women choose wigs as their protective style of choice, and some women wear them on a daily basis. Even besides the proven benefits of protective styling, there are several reasons why wigs are a go-to. Here's 8!

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1. Length retention! For many naturals who choose to wear wigs, this is the reason. The length retention from wearing wigs is incredible! There’s definitely something to be said about leaving your hair alone and letting it grow. Since wigs are such a low manipulation style, you’re eliminating obstacles that keep you from retaining length, such as breakage, dryness, tangles, and split ends. YouTuber ElleforLexxi shares that her natural hair has grown a lot from wearing wigs. Check out her hair’s progress towards the end of the video:

ElleforLexxi

2. You can still have complete access to your hair. Unlike other long term protective styles such as box braids or sew-ins, wigs give you complete access to your hair/scalp. You can take your wig off when you get home and let it breathe! You can still wash and condition your hair each week and/or oil your scalp with no problems. By keeping your hair clean and moisturized underneath your wig, you can maintain and promote thickness in your hair while rocking your wig.

3. They’re a great way to “test the water.” Like I said, wigs can come in any style you want, so when you’re considering cutting or coloring your hair, sometimes it’s better to just try a wig out first, especially if you tend to be either indecisive or impulsive. Plus, when it comes to natural hair, coloring is a big deal and can have potentially cumbersome consequences if not done correctly. The right wig might have you change your mind. You’ll be able to maintain the health of your hair while still being able to switch up your look whenever you feel like it.

4. They’ll give you time to bounce back. If you’re suffering from any type of hair damage or have recently had a setback in your journey, or hair loss due to chemotherapy, stress or genetics, wigs are a great option to give your hair a much needed break and help it properly recover, as they require minimum manipulation. What’s important is that you baby your hair and scalp and maintain a healthy hair regimen underneath your wigs.

5. The convenience! I don’t know about you but for me, there’s nothing better than not having to do your hair all the time! Plus, it’s good to know that you’ll have a great hair day instead of not always being able to predict how your hairstyle will turn out. Elise of TwinGodesses is a proud wig wearer and says it’s all about convenience: “There’s a huge misconception that’s been going around in the natural hair community that Naturals who choose to wear protective styles like wigs don’t necessarily like our hair or maybe it’s our texture or our length and that’s not true. The reason I don’t wear my hair out that often is really because I’m just lazy!”

Elise of TwinGoddesses

6. It can cure texture envy. Many of us have been there before, wishing you had someone else’s hair? Well sis, you gotta work with what the good Lord gave you but it’s nice to know that with wigs, you can test drive any texture you want! The options are endless and it’s fun to branch out and experiment with different types of wigs.

Cosplayer Mica Burton

7. Cosplay! For women who love to costume play, the right wig can definitely take your costume to the next level. It’s fun to be expressive in this way without having to damage your real hair in the process.

8. Because I feel like it! You obviously don’t need a reason to wear wigs! It’s your hair and you are entitled to wear it how you want to, without being concerned about what anyone else thinks.

Also, important to note, if you choose to wear wigs for any reason make sure to properly care for your scalp!

Do you love to wig it? Tell us why!

Kanisha is a Christian writer/author based in Augusta, GA. Other than CurlyNikki.com, she has also written for BlackNaps.organd Devozine, and has authored a book of poetry entitled, "Love Letters from the Master." Kanisha can be contacted for business inquiries at kanishaparks@gmail.com 

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Today, I Stand as HER. #BeHerNow #Day 1

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Breathe in slowly from your heart, and feel every muscle in your body melt as you exhale through your open mouth. Let everything go. Feel your shoulders relax down from your ears. Let everything be, as it is. Feel your stomach muscles release. Become aware of the body breathing, slowly, deeply.
Now, straighten up that posture, shoulders back, chin up. SMILE, diva! ️

Feel that?! That’s your real energy— joyful, light, relaxed, flowing... Go(o)d. You might feel it in your stomach or your chest or even in your toes! Even if you only feel it a little bit, place your attention (like a spotlight) on whatever goodness you do feel, and watch it become more noticeable...seemingly stronger. When you’re feeling this energy you are no longer being ‘you' you are ‘HER’ and everything that comes with it— HER life, confidence, success, love, abundance. In each moment you can either choose (1) ‘old you’ and more of the same, or (2) HER, and the path to your best life. Keep smiling.

This is Day 1 of your decision to sustain this energy. Your preferred energy. Your soul energy. HER energy.

And if you continue to stand as HER, to choose HER (aware of and marinating in this uncaused joy), things get wild. Negativity can’t touch you. Toxic people fall back. Shit situations resolve themselves. Dope opportunities find you. Versions of your long forgotten dreams start coming true. Your past loses all of its power over your present— you become limitless... powerful. Your life becomes unrecognizable — and all because of the simple decision to finally smile and be yourSELF. #BeHerNow #Day1 #BackOnYourPath

Will you commit?

In a notebook, write down who SHE is. What does she do? How does she feel? What does she have in her life? And as you go through your day, feeling the joy, know that you are THAT, you are HER, already. The inner feeling becomes the outer experience.

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Dear Mark: Better Rest, and a Parent’s Nightmare: Tablets and Pickiness

For today’s edition of Dear Mark, I’m answering two questions from readers. First, does “better rest” exist? I think it does, and I give the two “types” of rest I find to be the most effective. Second, a parent writes in with two common issues—pickiness at the dinner table and an obsession with tablets. What can a parent do to deal with a kid who only wants pasta and rice? And how to handle tablet obsession?

Let’s go:

Michael asked:

Great article Mark. Are there forms of rest that are “better” than others?

Certainly. Whenever I’m “resting,” I keep two concepts in mind.

Active rest: If you’re of sufficient fitness, as I think most of my longtime readers are by now, you should be able to stay active on your off days. Taking walks, going for hikes, playing with your kids, doing yard work, and other low-intensity activities that require physical movement should all be fair game, even after a hard training day. Or especially. I find the best way to recover from a grueling case of DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) is to go for a long walk and get the blood flowing and the limbs moving.

Mental stimulation: Rest your body but keep your mind active. Use the downtime to dig into that backlog of books you’ve been accumulating. Try some writing, if only to get your thoughts down in tangible space.

Brionte asked:

I want more on parenting primally. Despite my best attempts, it seems my kid only wants to eat rice and pasta these days. We started her on lots of fruits and vegetables but she seems to have lost her taste for them. Maybe it’s a stage? Also, we got her a tablet and she’s glued to the thing. We have to hide it! I’m worried about her generation.

There’s more parenting posts coming down the pike, but let’s address your two main concerns.

Pickiness is definitely a stage. Don’t make it more than it is: annoying as hell, but something parents have been dealing with for centuries.

You can work with her cravings, but make the foods they promote more nutritious.

• Slip ground meat and veggies in with the rice and pasta.
• Make stir fries with rice and other, healthier stuff. Gradually adjust the rice:other stuff ratio.
• Egg yolks blend seamlessly into pasta sauces.
• Make rice with rich bone broth instead of water.
• Pasta and rice can be made more nutrient dense. Think meat sauce and cacio e pepe instead of plain butter pasta. Think risotto instead of steamed rice.

Sometimes getting the kid involved in cooking makes them interested in eating the food. And I don’t just mean “picking out produce at the grocery store.” I mean, get a step stool, hand the kid a spatula, and let her stir the hot food cooking in the hot pan over the hot burner. This may take incredible patience (and maybe a little courage) on your part. Yes, she’ll spill food all over the place. Yes, she may touch something hot or fling sizzling rice onto your work clothes.

The hardest thing about parenting is to trust the child—and accept the fallout. A little momentary pain (or mess, or tears because hot stoves are hot) is worth the long-term rewards of having a kid who knows their way around a kitchen and actually agrees to eat food.

As for the tablet, get rid of it. I know, I know. It’s the 21st century. Technology is the future. I don’t disagree with that. Technology is what makes humans human, from stone axes to wheels to smartphones. It’s great stuff. And it’s here to stay. Get on the bus or get left behind.

Your four-year-old isn’t going to fall behind all the other kids because she’s running around outside, doing somersaults, learning to swim, climbing trees, reading books, finding bugs, scraping her knees, drawing and coloring instead of staring at a screen for several hours a day. Many parents have the illusion that plopping their kids in front of an iPad will magically produce the next Zuckerberg. That’s not how it works.

The Silicon Valley demigods didn’t grow up with smartphones and screens. They didn’t have an iPhone in the nursery. They certainly had access to technology, but it was rougher around the edges. Less curated and user-friendly. They paid their dues in suboptimal middle school computer labs, endured ridicule and bullying. They created social networks in dorm rooms, not whittled away their free time taking the perfect selfie. And as grownups, many of the biggest names actively prevent their children from using the technology they’ve foisted on us. In the past year, many of the people who engineered the addictiveness of social media have warned against their own creations.

Having access to this tech from infancy onward is a huge and unprecedented experiment. It’s never been tried. Maybe it works out great. I suspect we’ll manage as a society.

This may be the hardest part: Limiting your own use. They watch you. They do what you do. They “learn it from watching you.” Don’t forbid your kid from looking at her beloved tablet, only to devour yours  And when you do use it in front of them, make it “special.” Don’t just whip the phone out at the slightest hint of downtime. Don’t idly scroll through your social media feed just because the water’s about to boil and you have maybe 40 seconds before it does. Don’t check your phone at every stop light. Instead, state an intention—”I’m going to check my email, then be done” or something similar. Try to use it sparingly, and behind closed doors as much as possible.

Continue to use the thing for Facetime with grandparents, watching nature documentaries on sick days (Planet Earth 2 just came out on Netflix and is great—check out the penguin episode), stuff like that. But don’t let it be the default activity, the fallback.

Implicit in all this advice is the fact that you’ll probably have to endure some whining and tantrumming. That’s okay. It’s not that bad. Just wait it out, maintain composure, don’t give in.

Good luck. It’s not an easy thing, parenting. But you’ll do it!

Thanks for reading, everyone. Take care and be sure to leave your own input down below. I know we’ve got a lot of great parents who read this blog. Kids, too, feel free to chime in if you’re out there.

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The post Dear Mark: Better Rest, and a Parent’s Nightmare: Tablets and Pickiness appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

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Get Ready With Zara: See How She Gets Her Signature Look!

Zara

If you've been watching fabulous natural hair vlogger Zara for a while you've probably said to yourself, "Gee, her makeup looks great!" Well, Zara's gonna take you behind-the-scenes to see exactly how she gets her look! And don't you just love that baby blue?!?

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