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Tuesday, October 3, 2017
Erica LaShai 'Rocks A Fro For The People'
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Monday, October 2, 2017
$500 Giveaway: #CurlyNikkiAllStars
Continue!>>>
But we can’t give our best, when we’re not at our best. That’s why for the entire month of October, I’m hosting the #CurlyNikkiAllStars IG giveaway. I want you to nominate the woman you believe deserves to give a little back to herself. Each week, one winner will be chosen to receive $100 in her paypal account. It’s not much. But sis can use it to get her nails done, get her back rubbed or to buy that favorite product splurge! The only rule is that she uses it on herself, for herself. To enter, head over to IG!
Your other self,
Nik
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The Politics Of Dating A Woman Who Earned More Money Than Me
By Vince L.
It can be difficult to date, maintain a social life, and balance your career in your early-to-mid-thirties, in New York city. For most New Yorkers, besides family, work comes first and everything else falls into line. I had two jobs. I was a certified personal trainer and designer. My time was limited, so I started online dating. It saved me a lot of time. Most of the women I met had great careers and like myself, their time was limited too. Then I met her. A Virginia transplant living in the New York area for the past five years.Continue
Our first date was funny. It was the beginning of winter, but it wasn’t cold. We met in the city at a Thai restaurant in Union Square. I positioned myself in the restaurant where I could see her, but she couldn’t see me. This way I could make a smooth getaway if her online pictures didn't match up. I noticed her as soon as she entered. She looked better than her pictures. She texted me to see where I was and I replied, ‘I’m holding my hat in the air as a marker.”
“Why are you sitting all the way over here?” she asked. I told her I didn’t want to wait at the bar.
She laughed and said, “Nah, you were waiting to see if I was ugly.” We took our seats and had drinks before we ordered our food, and conversed about our personal and professional lives. “What’s your real occupation? Your profile read you put out fires?” I asked.
She said that she’s a corporate finance lawyer. (Hence the fire reference) In short, she takes care of her firm’s client’s legal issues and business details. As I started to tell her what my occupation was, she interrupted, “You’re a designer, I know. I know your history too.” From the look on my face, she explained herself. She did a background check on me. After everything read clean, she agreed to have dinner. I didn’t know whether to be turned on or scared. I never dealt with a woman like her before. A background check, for a date? Who does this?
“What are you looking for then, since you work a lot?” I asked her.
“Someone understanding, who will make time for me,” she answered. That’s code word for friends with benefits, I thought. After finishing our food, I asked for the check then excused myself from the table to use the restroom. Once I returned, she was ready to go. “I need a moment to take care of the check,” I told her. “No worries, I took care of it,“ she said, and grabbed my arm leading me to the exit. “And the tip?” “I said I took care it,” she replied. I felt like she b*tched me.
As we walked towards the train station, she mentioned she had a few meetings in the morning, but she needed this evening out. She’d been working extremely hard lately. Once we got to the station, she asked me for directions to the bus terminal on 42nd street. I was heading in that direction, so I took her there. Her bus wasn’t coming for another thirty minutes. Turned out she lived in West New York, New Jersey, but worked in the city. She asked if I could stay with her until the bus came. I agreed.
In between time she treated me to a few shots at a bar inside the terminal. When her bus was about to arrive, she asked me to come home with her. “Are you serious? I asked her. “Dead serious. I’ll pay for your cab back into the city.” I couldn’t believe what was taking place.
Once at her place, we drank some more. I was completely drunk. Next thing I know, we were rolling around on her cream rug kissing. She was aggressive, as she started to undress me. I told her to slow down. We were in our underwear when I reached for my wallet for protection. She asked me what I was doing. I told her, “I’m drunk, but I’m not stupid.” She snatched the condom from me, placed it on me and went to work. My blackberry alarm woke me up at 7am. I walked out of her bedroom to the smell of coffee. As I picked up my clothes, and got dressed, I looked over at the countertop to a note that read, “I have a 7am meeting. Let yourself out. Here’s the cash for your cab. Help yourself to coffee.” I felt like Marcus from Boomerang.
 |
| 'Marcus' from 'Boomerang' |
It was lunch from the restaurant last night. This can’t be real, I got myself a beautiful, smart, sexy black woman. A boss!
Or was I jumping the gun?
As we dated, I noticed she drank a lot, was aggressive and controlling, and rude when she interacted with people. She would snap at me sometimes, then apologize after. She was used to things her way or no way at all. I told her she shouldn’t treat people the way she does, but instead of arguing with her, I’d let it go. Before things became worse, I confronted her about her attitude. She blew me off and told me to stay in my lane, then apologized after, acknowledging that her job was stressful and maybe she was dealing with it the wrong way.
As the relationship grew, I compensated myself to cater to her attitude. After meeting her family, I understood her temperament. Her parents groomed her this way. She was the successful one out of her siblings. Her family depended on her, especially her mother. I thought her behavior was an ego thing, but it wasn’t. She was drained by her job and family. She was tired of always being strong. She didn’t have to express this to me. I knew it. She didn’t need me for financial reasons, what she needed me for was an escape. Once I figured out how to be her escape, her attitude changed. I found ways for her to communicate her feelings. In her previous relationships, she wore the pants. Our relationship was the opposite. She used gifts and money to fix relationship issues. There was no need for that with me. I appreciated her as a person, and not for what she could do for me. She didn’t know how to give, emotionally. With time she changed, and I Iearned how to be the man she needed, not the man she wanted.
Can you date a guy who earns less money than you?
Renaissance man from The Bronx, NY, Vincent "VJ" Lake creative career started in fashion, and expand through fitness and the military. Vincent is also an entrepreneur with his own active-wear lifestyle apparel brand; "PURESPORT ATHLETIC aka PSA". Currently, he is finishing up his first non-fiction book of short stories titled,"I've Had My Share". The book is scheduled for release in early 2018.
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How I Responded When A Kid Called My Daughter's Hair 'Ugly'
Erickka Sy Savané
Continue
Oh, and I know exactly which little girl said it too. At five, she’s a year older than my kid and everyday a babysitter picks her up from school with earphones on. They can be seen blocks away from the school walking in silence. It’s doubtful the babysitter even knows she’s there.
This isn’t the first time this little girl’s name has come up. Not long ago, she was fighting over the pink bean bag. Apparently, there’s only one in the class and homegirl feels like she should have it everyday.
I'm starting to wonder if this kid is a bully, which makes sense because who says that to someone with a straight face?
Well, someone with a lot of hair hate but that’s a whole 'nother story. I don’t want to get into the fact that the kid is a light-skinned Puerto Rican with 'nappy' hair so in her circles she’s probably a disgrace. It would be surprising if the hair conversations in her household center around the beauty of natural hair or the fact that everyone’s hair is different and beautiful just the same. Though I'm not saying that she’s the only one. Once my daughter and I were at a laundromat in Atlanta when a little girl around her same age with braids down to her ankles looked at my daughter's short natural hair bewildered. “What’s wrong with her hair?” she asked her mommy in disgust. You could sense the woman’s embarrassment, but what else could she expect when she and all of her kids, there were at least three more, looked like they had robbed a weave truck? It clearly sends a message that long hair is in, and anything to the contrary can’t happen by choice. People start getting very “well-meaning” when they see a little girl with short Afro hair. In fact, a few have come right up to me and offered the number of their hair braider. One lady offered to pay me to "fix it."
Maybe I'd feel the same way if I hadn't been to the Ivory Coast, where my husband is from, and seen so many strikingly beautiful little girls with short cropped hair. If not for them, I might also be clinging to braids as the only way my daughter, whose hair doesn't grow very long, would have a shot at a 'normal life.' It’s funny how we only see the beauty in what we’ve been trained to see.
So back to this kid. What do I do?
I call my mom who is not pleased. “Should I confront her mother?” I ask her. She quickly kills that idea, reminding me of the time she almost came to blows with a mom who was talking stuff about me and my brother. With all the neighborhood kids egging her on, me included, she went to the house of this single mother of eight to defend her kid's honor. Only thing is, ma didn’t realize that the woman was 300 lbs. She almost pooped her pants as she stood in the woman’s living room, trying to remember why she was there. Fortunately, the woman didn’t want to fight any more than my mom, but it sure was a close call. “Why don’t you just talk to the teacher?” she suggests.
The next day, I tell Ms. P. what the little girl said to my daughter and she confirms that it’s not a good idea to talk to her mom. For one, parents generally don’t like hearing from other parents regarding their kid, and two, one can never predict a parent’s personality. Things could easily escalate.
“Okay, so what then?”
She says the best thing to do would be to introduce some books to the class that address acceptance and diversity. After, they can discuss it. Her solution doesn’t sound nearly as proactive as going upside the child’s head and then taking down her mom, but...The next morning, I come to class armed and ready to read one of my daughter’s favorite books called, ‘I Like Myself,’ about a little girl so filled with self-love that she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. Hopefully, it will help.
This article first appeared on MommyNoire
How do you deal with insults aimed at your kids by other kids?
Erickka Sy Savané is managing editor of CurlyNikki.com, a wife, mom, and freelance writer based in Jersey, City, NJ. Her work has appeared in Essence.com, Ebony.com, Mad
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Watch What Happens When Sidra Smith Is Mistaken For Indentical Twin, Actress Tasha Smith In Harlem!
Sidra Smith
Life has its challenges when you're an identical twin. People are always mistaking you for the other person... sometimes navigating the case of mistaken identity can be both fun and frustrating! Peep this video shared on Sidra Smith's instagram, of what happened in Harlem over the weekend when she was mistaken for her identical twin, actress Tasha Smith!"Can you say "I'm not the lady from the Tyler Perry movie!"
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Dear Mark: Hormone Normalizing Questions
First, Jason asked:
Loved the article ! I have tried all this but it has become almost impossible for me to sleep on time. Not that i don’t sleep enough but the timings are way too off. Maybe because i don’t have anything in the morning to look forward to. Can anyone please help ?
I’m not entirely clear on the meaning of “timings are way too off,” but I’m going to give it a shot. I hope it helps.
You say you don’t have anything to look forward to in the mornings. This is a common problem. It’s also a very serious problem that you need to address ASAP.
In a very literal sense, the morning is the beginning of the rest of your life. Each morning, you wake up from a black void. You’re dreaming, and your brain is active, but you’re not conscious in the sense we normally think about consciousness. “You” don’t really exist when you sleep. For all intents and purposes, you wake up each morning an entirely different person.
To start your life each day without purpose or meaning or even a vague idea of what to do will never produce positive results.
Your disordered sleep is a product of this. Search within and find meaning. It doesn’t have to be grandiose. Maybe you join a CrossFit box for morning workouts or sign up for a yoga class or a martial arts class in the mornings. Maybe you sit down right now and plan your mornings.
What are you going to make for breakfast?
Is the coffee maker clean and ready to go?
What will you wear?
When will you brush your teeth?
Get all that planned out and ready to go.
A purpose in life can be mundane. If you’re just stumbling toward a purpose, the mundane is actually the best choice because you have to do mundane things no matter what.
Good luck.
Aklay offered up a couple other ways to normalize hormones:
Hi Mark…..Sunbathing and fasting might have been missed?
Sunbathing is a good one. It increases vitamin D synthesis, which is required to produce steroid hormones. It’s relaxing, which can reduce stress. Yeah, sunbathing will help.
Fasting is a trickier question. I certainly considered it, but found the effect too variable for general use. Reason being, fasting is a stressor. If you’re in good shape, fasting can be a hormetic stressor—a stressor that you recover from stronger than before. A stressor that forces you to improve yourself and your health.
If you’re in a bad place, fasting can simply be a major stressor—one that makes you worse, not better. One that you can’t recover from. One that weakens your constitution rather than strengthens it.
I always suggest that people add intermittent fasting to an already-solid base of health, training, and stress regulation. IF can help you burn more fat, slip into ketosis, control your appetite. All this serves to reduce oxidative stress and the overall inflammatory load.
If the wrong person starts fasting, they get worse. It becomes a major impediment to hormone normalization. For example, I would never suggest that a pregnant woman or a woman trying to conceive embark on an intermittent fasting regimen. It’s pretty clearly deleterious to fertility hormones. Women in general are more sensitive to the stress-related effects of intermittent fasting, so I’d be extra careful if I were a woman.
If I had to boil this down, fasting can solidify your control over your hormones if you already have control. It will make your normal hormones even “normaler.”
LlamaAnna asked:
I don’t understand the comment about ‘lowering his assumed aerobic base heart rate’. The way you say it sounds like he just decided one day to concentrate really hard and things changed. What are you actually talking about here? If the exercise didn’t change, what did and how?
Thanks for the question. I actually misspoke. When Brad’s T was low, he was treating 145 as his max aerobic heart rate—the fastest his heart could beat and still remain in an aerobic, or fat-burning, state. So during runs or any endurance training, he’d keep track of his heart rate, slowing down only when it exceeded 145 under the assumption that he was in the maximal fat-burning state. This was a big mistake.
His actual max aerobic heart rate was 130, a full 15 points lower. Instad of spending his training time in the fat burning zone, he was spending all his time as a sugar burner. Yet, he was living and eating as if he was a fat-burner. Don’t get me wrong. Brad was still burning fat. It’s not a binary on-off switch from fat to sugar burning. But he was burning significantly more sugar than he assumed, and it was wrecking his hormone levels.
The exercise “changed” in that it got easier. He went easier. Same movements, same runs, different intensity.
Wilhelmina wrote:
I like the sleep more part, seriously I do. But having the menopause knocking at my door it isn’t easy. I want to, but I can’t convince my body to do the same. Some nights I sleep easily up till 12 hours, but there are nights I barely sleep at all. I have a cold and dark room, since I easily get it too warm, I have magnesium before bedtime, I got dim lights in the evening, barely more than candle light, eat clean (Really Mark, your low carb diagram made me even lose weight, where most would gain, awesome!) . Any suggestions are more than welcome!
Are you eating enough calories?
You say you’ve lost, or are losing weight. The older you get, the harder it gets, and the more you have to restrict yourself, which increases the toll that takes on your body. The more you have to restrict yourself, which the body can interpret as a stressor. Assuming you’ve covered all the other sleep hygiene facets—and judging from your comment you have—you should look at calorie intake.
Eating the fewest calories you can while obtaining the most nutrients and avoiding the negative side effects of calorie restriction, like lack of sex drive, loss of muscle or bone density, and low energy levels, is the way forward, as far as I’m concerned. Sleep disturbance is a lesser known but perhaps more dangerous side effect of too low a calorie intake.
I’m not saying pig out. Just try eating a bit more. An extra serving of butternut squash with dinner, another egg at breakfast, that sort of thing. Slowly and gradually titrate up your calorie intake until it produces a change in your sleep quality. If it doesn’t help, at least you’ve eliminated a factor from contention and you can move forward in your quest.
Thanks for reading, everyone. Take care and be sure to chime in with your input down below!
Want to make fat loss easier? Try the Definitive Guide for Troubleshooting Weight Loss for free here.
The post Dear Mark: Hormone Normalizing Questions appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.
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Sunday, October 1, 2017
Weekend Link Love — Edition 471
Research of the Week
Scientists discover a new reason why steak, mackerel, and avocados make you fuller.
Our visual attention is automatically drawn to meaning, not “what sticks out.”
A low-carb diet beats antipsychotics.
Kids from New Zealand’s South Island get more bowel disorders than their northern counterparts thanks to a lack of sunlight.
Organic farms trap more carbon.
New Primal Blueprint Podcasts
Each week, select Mark’s Daily Apple blog posts are prepared as Primal Blueprint Podcasts. Need to catch up on reading, but don’t have the time? Prefer to listen to articles while on the go? Check out the new blog post podcasts below, and subscribe to the Primal Blueprint Podcast here so you never miss an episode.
- 9 Ways to Normalize Your Hormones
- 6 Food Products I Love to Hate and 5 I Just Love
- Testosterone Supplementation: My Primal Take
INTERESTING BLOG POSTS
Neanderthals lived in a wonderland of OTC penicillin.
How early 20th century Austrian psychiatrists used modern architecture to treat a modern malady.
The trick is finding that delicate balance between toxic stress and beneficial stress.
MEDIA, SCHMEDIA
“Intermittent fasting is terrible for athletic performance.”
Some guy gives his three top tips for becoming a fat-burning machine.
EVERYTHING ELSE
Macaques, you were doing so well.
Humans have been around for a lot longer than we thought.
Thai soldier performs CPR on tiny drowned puppy.
THINGS I’M UP TO AND INTERESTED IN
Why I always look for the bright side of adversity: “After a Hurricane, New Confidence.”
Video I liked: Dr. Emily Deans talks magnesium.
Subculture I had no idea existed: Bitcoin carnivores.
GMO I’d be interested in: Gluten-free wheat. Wonder if the bread quality holds up, since gluten is crucial for texture.
Terrible if true: Why farmers spray glyphosate on crops right before harvest.
RECIPE CORNER
- Get your electric pressure cooker and your flag and make yankee pot roast.
- Loaded broiled salmon wedge salad.
TIME CAPSULE
One year ago (Oct 1 – Oct 7)
- Why the Variety of Your Protein Sources Matters – Don’t just eat chicken breast.
- 6 Reasons Why Mistakes Are Important for Success – Failures are lessons.
COMMENT OF THE WEEK
“For me, the appeal of Facebook is knowing what’s going on in the lives of my numerous friends all over the globe. I agree, it’s easy to use mindlessly, but it’s also really great to spend 5 minutes before bed and read about what my friends in Australia, England, Holland, Denmark and elsewhere did today. Technology isn’t 100% evil — it’s all about how you use it.”
– Nicely said, Margaret.
The post Weekend Link Love — Edition 471 appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.
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